Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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