is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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