did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
