just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
