I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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