i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
