If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have post one night stand depression
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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