Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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