I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
