I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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