Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize