I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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