and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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