Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
