I just pynch a tree in the face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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