We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
