Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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