if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you never un-have a 4some
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
