I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
