Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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