and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
