I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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