a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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