What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
