Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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