this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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