First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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