He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So much rum. So many feels.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
