I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
