The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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