So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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