its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
