I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
