i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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