tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize