I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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