they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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