Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A bitchslap is in order.
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