2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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