Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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