I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
