Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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