This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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