dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
