He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
