Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
