I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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