i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
