your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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