I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
