I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
