she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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