dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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