just come out here and I will go home with you...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
