so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
