hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
