Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
