The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
