I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
