She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
